Satire

As a student at Zoom University, I’ve grown a deep love for my professor. Thanks to Zoom, Valentine’s Day will finally be complete. By Vayle LaFehr.

Here are the best methods to social distance as approved and recommended by Boulder County. These methods will enable you to become a social distancing expert. By Jasleen Batra

Feminist sororities like Alpha Alpha Alpha are leading the way for women’s liberation. Have no fear — with Greek life, gender equality is here. By Vayle Lafehr

In a perfect world, the 2020 NCAA March Madness tournament would have occurred. Here’s how we at CUI sports imagine it would’ve gone. By Jack Carlough

With the endless benefits of online dating, this pandemic will make finding the love of your life easier than ever before. By Vayle LaFehr

Toilet paper aisles are going empty and poopers are getting desperate. Here are six thrifty TP solutions to get you through the pandemic. By Alex Mumm

It turns out all of your insecurities are true. Literally no one likes you. By Alex Mumm

Some students are tired of law and order, so they formed a club to talk about it. By Alex Mumm

CU Boulder has fallen off of the top party school rankings. The president of the university wants to change that. By Alex Mumm

Passive voice cannot be detected by students at CU Boulder, which is angering professors. By Alex Mumm