Modern sports fans suffer from loss of team loyalty
Imagine your wildest, sickest fantasies.
You know, the one’s you shouldn’t do on a Sunday, but the computer was on anyways — and one click led to another.
The kind your parents wouldn’t understand, as they say, “back in our day we just did it the old fashion way,” as you stood there in a cold sweat.
You know the fantasies that include Tom Brady…
It’s the pretend world of sports based on fans rooting for single players instead of teams.
According to an article in Sports Illustrated, 15 percent of Americans over the age of eighteen have been involved in a professional baseball, basketball or football fantasy sports. Or if they’re real weird, the professional fishing fantasy league — the one fantasy sport that burns more calories than the actual sport.
“Only four tunas and no trout — go stand behind a jet engine!”
Across the globe couch potatoes in mustard-stained T-Shirts can tell you how many TD’s Terrell Owens has, but couldn’t tell you how many wins the Cowboys have.
They could tell you how many ribbies A-Rod had in the 2007 season, but couldn’t tell you who the Yankees were knocked out of the post season by.
And they could even tell you how ridiculous it is when a player leaves his team of ten years, just to throw on a couple extra porches to his already bloated salary.
“It’s not all about you. You D-bag!” they yell.
Well I am here to tell you, yes, actually it is all about them.
You hear that Kobe! Phil who? Eagles what? Just keep on rolling up those points.
As long as Barry Bonds racks up 40 home runs for my fantasy team, it’s a good day.
Steroids? Well, I guess if that helps.
Ray Allen just dropped fifty on my boys . And by golly, for a second there I thought I didn’t activate him.
Does this not scare anyone else?
Back in the day, if a Raiders fan sat in the Black Hole and breathed a sigh of relief after the Broncos scored, saying “Oh sweet! I just need Eddy to do that two more times today.” I believe that man became a very, very bad man’s ballet instructor.
But today, the egos, the inflated, undeserved salaries are our, the fans’, fault. We promote it.
So I’m here today to say, let us take back the sports we have grown up with.
Let us not illegally gamble on stats and egos. But instead, illegally gamble on teams and point spreads.
That’s the America I know. And that’s the one I want to live in.
Besides, I’m fourth in my league anyways.
Contact Campus Press Staff Writer Brent New at firstname.lastname@example.org