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A picture is worth a thousand words.
That is, unless the picture is a snapshot of you pouting into the camera with a shower curtain and toilet in the background. In that case, a picture is worth one word: stop.
The CU Independent's Elizabeth Hernandez takes on your Facebook photos in her opinion column this week. (CU Independent Photo Illustration/Robert R. Denton)
I’m all for taking photos. When I see an ideal photo opportunity, a voice in my head squeaks “new profile picture!” I understand the need to show people on various social networking sites documented proof that you lead an interesting life. That is why I don’t understand this trend of bathroom photo shoots. Do you really want people to think that the most photo-worthy moment you had all day was going to the bathroom?
May I inquire why you are making that face? Are you sucking on a lemon? Whatever you’re doing, I implore you to never do it again. The face, commonly referred to as “duck lips” is sweeping the profile picture nation. It consists of females puckering their lips in an exaggerated fashion. So much so that they far surpass their assumed goal of looking seductive and fall into the category of botched lip injection.
Don’t think I’m letting you males off the hook, either. Do I spy a bathroom mirror picture of you in a snapback, lifting your bro-tank up so that I can see your re-touched abs? Your subtlety astounds me. I don’t think you could have cocked your peacock feathers any more obviously without unzipping your pants.
In addition, because you so creatively snapped this photo in a bathroom mirror, I can see your acne cream and your sister’s box of tampons sitting on the counter. Cue the swooning.
While I question your venue and choice of facial expression, I admire your vulnerability. You’re not claiming to be anything. You’re just putting yourself out there, roll of toilet paper and all.
If you happen to have a Facebook album entitled “My photography <3,” on the other hand, you’re just asking for me to criticize you. I fully support finding an interest and running with it, but if you claim that photography is your passion, please don’t tell me that this sepia-toned bag of Doritos is your idea of art.
Who am I to judge your artistic license, you might ask. Where do I get the nerve to roll my eyes at your blurry, black and white flower petal? It’s common sense to know that it’s a stupid picture—that’s how.
The next time you’re about to upload a fresh batch of photos from you and your friend’s 10-minute adventure to the drug store, pause before you do so. Ask yourself if you have one or more pictures that would disappoint me.
If the answer is yes, I’m not saying don’t go through with it. I’m just warning you that you may have a few notifications the next time you log on that contain sarcastic commentary and virtual heckling.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Lizzy Hernandez atElizabeth.hernandez@colorado.edu.
