Stripping down and rocking out — Welcome to Mr. CU 2007
9:10 p.m. — Glenn Miller Ballroom
And the winners are…
The first place prize of $1,000 goes to Mr. Push-It. The second place prize of $500 goes to Mr. Chocolate Paradise. Third place, and $250, goes to Mr. Virgin.
His entire frat is standing up and cheering the new Mr. CU 2007 on.
8:58 p.m.
The top 5 are Mr. Push-It, Mr. A.M., Mr. Mustache, Mr. Chocolate Paradise and Mr. Virgin.
The first question is “What is the defining quality that makes you better than every other man on the planet.” Mr. Mustache is speaking about his mustache, and his authenticity.
Mr. Push-It answers the second question, “If you were chancellor, how would you improve diversity on campus?” Mr. Push-It wants to give incentives to minorities.
Mr. Chocolate Paradise is answering an opinion question, “Solid, liquid or gas?” He’s going with solid, as in hard chocolate, oh my. Or a liquid, because “I make it melt, baby.”
This one’s for Mr. A.M. He’s picking a word to describe himself, he says “genuine.”
Mr. Virgin answers a question about why snow melts in Colorado, and he answers with “global warming.”
8:35 p.m.
Mr. Push-It is now doing expressive dance and ribbon dancing, SIMULTANEOUSLY, for the cool down, then crawling on the ground seductively and clawing at the audience.
Mr. A.M. is up, with his violin which he has been playing for 15 years. There is a girl laying onstage for the act, and he is trying to “wake” her with his violin. Now she is running around confused, to the beat of his violin. His mic just went out. Like Mr. Chocolate Paradise before him, he keeps going anyway.
Oh man, he is playing Backstreet Boys and Justin Timberlake covers. The crowd is cheering so loud for Mr. A.M.
Mr. Virgin is up now, dressed in pants appropriate for a leisure suit. He is ironically and hilariously singing “Let’s Get It On.”
Mr. Virgin is probably losing his precious virginity tonight, the crowd is loving him. He’s not bad looking either…
8:24 p.m.
Mr. Mustache is dressed like a cowboy in tight pants, with blonde hair, black mustache. He is talking about his babe teacher, Ms. Allen. She’s 56, he’s 18, he says it’s “fair game.” She teaches his philosophy class.
He says, “I am going to blow your mind, audience.” It’s about mommies and daddies “getting down.” This is the answer to the question, “Why do we exist?”
His mustache is barely hanging on.
He says, “Having sex is why we exist,” the audience clearly agrees.
Noah, the host said he likes to get high and play Halo, for no reason but to bring the audience’s attention back to him.
Next, Mr. Chocolate Paradise is up. He is performing in front of a screen with a power point on it. Justin is wearing an all pink pin-striped suit, shirtless underneath. He is handing out chocolate, a cute touch. He sounds like Barry White. He is singing to the “Brady Bunch,” and he actually has a really good voice.
He’s picking up girls in the audience and taking his jacket off. He is definitely playing off of his sex appeal His mic just went out, but he kept going anyway – impressive.
Now Mr. Push it is coming on, rumored to be doing a comedic work out routine. He plays rugby, this is his best aerobic routines. The clothes are, once again, coming off. Gold and black spandex — some serious CU pride. I think he is trying to be the straight version of Richard Simmons.
Apparently, Thomas, random audience member from Pi Kapp, is having “the best night ever.”
8:18 p.m.
I am being pelted by candy, not my idea of fun.
Mr. Herd is here to belly dance and play “Hotel California” behind his head on electric guitar, the cheapest one, a Squier, that is basically from Target. He has the greatest sense of humor. He’s got the song down perfectly, but it is necessary for him to take his shirt off and then tie it up like a bra over his quite unshaven chest. He has a tambourine hanging off of his pants and he is really shaking it. He is one multi-talented dude. He is staring seductively into the audience.
I think it is interesting that Late Night is hosting this to curb student drinking on Saturday nights, because I am pretty sure there are a number of intoxicated people here.
Mr. Hotter than I should be is back in his suit, again speaking about climate change. I don’t know that he knows that he’s in Boulder, we are all aware of global warming. This is the wrong audience, we hear this rhetoric daily. I think he is doing a monologue.
—
Oh I guess it is spoken word? My friend just asked me if we are supposed to snap when he’s done spewing poetry.
Uh oh, he just dropped the f-bomb. This is way too melodramatic for this comedic strip show. He is talking about crying and death, and after him another boy will come to embarrass himself and make people laugh.
I don’t think he got the memo.
8:10 p.m.
We have reached the talent portion. Austin will be first on the piano. Each contestant has four minutes to impress the audience. His mother is sitting behind me, filming. This is the world premiere of his latest song, “The Breakup.” He is panting as he sings, in my opinion, semi-talented.
He is now “Throwing a beat on this, baby.” I can totally see this being one of the American Idol auditions, the funny ones. He kind of looks like my uncle, but my straight-laced uncle would never embarrass himself like this. I have respect for Austin though, he really is fearless. He looks satisfied with his performance.
7:55 p.m.
I have a hard time taking bad a capella seriously. They are totally bringing the mood down in the room. They all seem deep in concentration. They are singing Fleetwood Mac, “The Chain.” The girl that is doing the solo is extremely talented, however the boys are lacking.
The audience is silent, clearly bored as they break into their second song. Talk about taking it down a notch. Now they are singing “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack. The solo female lead is another one of the talented ones, with a strong voice.
People are playing with their hair and yawning, uninterested. When will we get back to the semi-nude men?
Thank goodness, they are finished.
7:45 p.m.
Justin Teneyck, Mr. Chocolate Paradise, keeps the audience waiting before coming out with prizes for the judges, a small bribe. He is pretending to play video games. I don’t really get what he’s trying to do, and why his clothes are still on. There goes his shirt. He is shaking his ass and by far the hottest guy here. Aw, he even took his shoes off.
Jeff Hulley, Mr. Push it is being cheered on by his frat, Pi Kappa Phi. Within 30 seconds, the clothes are gone. He is doing the running man dance, with a cape on. Now Jeff is down to spandex, and dressed as a Viking. The crowd is loving it, as he squirts silly string on the audience, a bit of sexual innuendo.
Mr. AM has an entourage of five people dressed in black doing a dance sequence with him. He is the only one wearing white. Now he is breaking out doing “Soulja Boy Tell EM.” Apparently, Mr. AM is too hot to take off his own clothes, so his groupies are doing it for him onstage. He has a very well choreographed dance.
Mr. Virgin is standing nervously in plaid spandex boxers, with high socks, dancing like Napoleon Dynamite to a Jamiroquai song. He just ran offstage, awkwardly and slightly bow-legged.
Mile 21 is here to perform as a “special treat.”
7:40 p.m.
Now, the “sexy swimsuit competition” will begin. The host just seductively said, “take it off boys.”
Austin is dancing to his own music, as he strips off a graduation gown to wear his football uniform. He is taking is clothes off as I speak. The crowd is cheering loudly. He is well-built and self-involved.
Sean Franklin, Mr. Herd, is out dancing in a wrestling spandex outfit to “rainin’ men.” He is in the business of getting the crowd pumped. He is wearing huge bear-claw slippers.
Darren Legge, “Hotter than I should be,” came out to NO music at all, wearing a wet suit, with political signs about global warming. The audience is confused and bored. He is also stripping, there goes his goggles. He has trouble taking the bottoms off. Now, he is wearing a speedo — EVERYTHING is visible, he just showed it off for the judges. This is a little x-rated.
Here is Jon Tattum, “Mr. Mustache,” doing kung-fu to the song “Kung-Fu Fighting.” The audience is clapping to the pulsating disco. He is wearing a robe, and his mustache, which is nearly falling off his face. He has no shame.
7:31 p.m.
Right now, the contestants are doing their introductions. Mr. Push-It did a somersault to enter onto the stage, while Mr. Chocolate Paradise danced his way up the stairs to blaring hip-hop music. Mr. Mustache is comedically dressed in a straw hat and a fake mustache. Mr. AM is originally from China, enjoys modeling and is doing the crypt walk onstage. Mr. Virgin also chose to somersault onstage and then stand nervously on the stage and stare at the ground. He wants to lose his virginity and do the peace corps in the next ten years.
He said “let’s hear it for all the virgins” and half the crowd started screaming. There is going to be an elimination after the swimsuit competition, where it will go down to only three guys. The judges consist of Meg “Ms. Random Hot Girl,” Kim “Ms. Alumni,” Dave “Mr. CU 2006” and Kathy “a Herd leader.”
7:10 p.m.
Nine guys are here in the Glenn Miller Ballroom to compete for the prestigious title of Mr. CU. Before the show, a slideshow is being played with photos of all of the contestants. Most of the photos are taken with little clothing on, a preview for what’s to come in the swimsuit competition.
