Alternative and creative ways to impress the one you love (or lust)
It’s that time again. You see hearts, flowers and chocolate everywhere you go. Whether you’re single, or lucky enough to have a Valentine this Feb. 14, you’re going to need something to do.
Your first instinct might be to take the traditional approach of a nice dinner, a movie and then into the sack. But do you think that will really stir up the feelings of lust you’ve been waiting all year for? There’s a good chance you’ll still get lucky by the end of the night, but you know your date will be thinking only one thing: Why isn’t my boy/girlfriend more creative? Never fear — below are some suggestions that you probably haven’t thought of. And for everyone going solo on V-Day, we have some suggestions for you, too. Please note that most of these activities can be done alone or with a partner.
- Have Your Calculator Be Your Valentine! Are you having a hard time justifying going out on a school night? Using your calculator to make valentines is fun and educational. Katherine Peterson, a sophomore applied mathematics major, offers this equation: To make a cardioid, graph r=1-sin(theta).
- 3D Porn That’s right, it’s in 3D now. Go down to the Esquire Theater, 590 Downing St. in Denver, and watch porn like you really should: in 3D.
- Bath Time Fun Get a nice bottle of wine, give yourself a sensual massage and slide into the bathtub. Try “Sex Bomb,” a fragrant bath bomb for those special nights alone. Barrett Smith, 25, manager of Lush, 1312 Pearl St., encourages everyone to pick up a Valentine’s gift set. Plus, chances are if you’re single, it may be because of your poor hygiene.
Mix It Up Not so into doing math? Don’t like bathing? How about making a mix tape, High Fidelity-style? Have Side A be about love and that warm tingly feeling you get when you’re with someone special, and have Side B be the opposite, whatever that means to you.
Side A could include songs from Barry White, Al Green, Stevie Wonder and the usual artists who offer baby-making music. But if you want something different, try “Here She Comes Now” by the Velvet Underground, “Ever Fallen in Love?” by the Buzzcocks, the Smiths’ “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out” or the classic “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys. These are all great love songs from the late ’60s to the ’80s.
Side B should have the songs that make you want to curl into the fetal position and cry. Try “Everything Means Nothing to Me” by Elliott Smith, “There’s a Tear in My Beer” by Hank Williams or “Misery is the River of the World” by Tom Waits. When it comes to love songs, Jon Martinez, 47, also known as “Johnny Trash,” has some suggestions of his own. As manager at Bart’s CD Cellar, 1015 Pearl St., Trash recommends “No. 1 Hit Song” by the Minutemen and “What’s This Shit Called Love?” by the Pagans.
- Throw an Anti-Valentine’s Day Party! Then talk about it nonstop the day after. Your not-so-single friends will be jealous when they see your new Facebook photo album titled “The Most Fun I’ve Had in My Entire Life.” Plus, you can bust out that new mix tape you made.
- All By Myself If you don’t have any single friends to hang out with on Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. There are plenty of activities to do alone. For example, you could skip pebbles in a pond, twiddle your thumbs or play solitaire. The opportunities are endless!
For The Couples
- Periodic Table ValentinesShow your honey that you care, but also that you’re really smart, with a periodic table valentine. Here are some examples: “When I see you I get a Carbon,” “With you, life is never Boron” or “You turn Ne-on.” Maybe dress up in a sexy lab coat as well.
- Ice Skating There’s nothing cuter than ice skating with the one you love. It’s cold, your feet hurt and you both pretend you’re having fun while wiping snot from your noses. You can do this from 7 to 9 p.m. at the rink at 1 Boulder Plaza. There will be music and special giveaways. But try not to fall down; if you do, there’s a chance your date might leave you.
- Adopt A KittenWhat’s more adorable than a brand-new kitten? You know, the kind with tiny eyes that barely open and a soft meow that escapes every once in a while? There is nothing cuter. And that’s why this Valentine’s Day you should adopt a kitten with your partner. It’s good practice for when you have your own kids. Think about it.
- Yodeling for Lovers Take a couples yodeling class. Then you can sing your love for each other: I yod-el-ay-he-love-you. Nothing’s better than that!
- Want To Go On a Safari? Do you feel the need to do something exotic with your loved one this Valentine’s Day? Why not go on a safari? There are many indigenous animals in Boulder, but the best ones are often overlooked. Why not try a Boulder prairie dog safari. You might be surprised with what you find.
As you can see, there are endless possibilities for Valentine’s Day, most of which you probably haven’t thought of, or even wanted to think of. So grab your partner, your lab coat, your safari hat and yodel your love for your Valentine. And for those of you who are single: all of the Valentine’s candy goes on sale at midnight.
Contact Campus Press staff writer Jenny Bergen at email@example.com.