Last Thursday I was sitting at the C4C enjoying some Persian cuisine and some fine sunshine. I had my eyes closed and was soaking up some serious vitamin D when a voice asked if the chair across from me was taken. The voice belonged to a very lovely young lady with a backpack slung over her shoulder and a tray in her hand.
I told her no, and she sat down. Just like that. There was no apology, no insecurity, nothing. The girl just sat down and quietly started eating her lunch. We sat in companionable silence, chewing, noting the beautiful weather, chewing some more, making small talk.
It was smooth and it felt safe, like we had known each other our whole lives.
A tray full of food can lead to meeting new friends. (CU Independent Photo Illustration/Robert R. Denton)
Every single one of us has experienced what Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes calls “the lunch tray moment”: that terrifying moment when you’re standing in the lunch room with your plastic tray wondering where you should sit. In high school, you either sat down at the very end of the table where (hopefully) no one would notice you or —if you felt especially alone and depressed—you would take your lunch to the bathroom, lock yourself in a stall, and stare miserably at your celery.
Those days are long over.
College is a time for firsts. It is also a time to break out of your shell and do something a bit unexpected. So go get lunch, grab your tray and let’s talk strategy.
Choosing Your Spot
The words “high school lunch room” will make every other person shudder. Take whatever negative feelings you have about the lunch room and toss them out the window. Take a look around the C4C: there are all kinds of people sitting everywhere. I love walking into the Italian section and seeing a major ski bum sitting with an honors student who never stops reading. It’s amazingly refreshing.
Say it’s around 12:30 p.m., and the C4C is jammed with people eating and then heading off to class. This means that there will probably be some of those long tables with empty seats, and you may end up sitting with someone you don’t know. I would pick someone who doesn’t have their computer out and has no book open in front of them.
The Approach
This part is pretty straight forward: go up to someone and ask if the seat across from them is taken. There is no need to be apologetic—the C4C is busy. You don’t want to sit alone – the feeling is usually mutual. This usually means you will get the green light.
And if they aren’t welcoming? Not a problem. Just say okay and find another seat.
Now that you’re there…
Say that the person said yes, they don’t mind sharing a table. Sit down and start eating. There is no need for nervous habits like playing with your food, throwing panicked glances at them every ten seconds, or wringing your hands. Just chew your food, savor the taste, and sit quietly. Feel free to make small talk: Tell them your name. Notice how nice/poor the weather is. Ask them if they saw the football game last weekend and commiserate together about our horrible loss/celebrate our fantastic win.
You’ll find things to talk about. If they aren’t responding, that’s okay—sit and enjoy the silence. Sometimes companionship is realized because of silence. And when it’s time to leave, thank them for sharing their time with you. Smile. There’s something that feels really, really good about meeting people, even if you only learn their name.
Meeting people can be a real challenge sometimes. If you’re from a tiny town like me, where you’ve known everyone since you were in diapers, it’s hard to remember how to meet people.
Sometimes it’s hard to remember that people want to be met. Think about how you feel sometimes: sure, you may like to sit alone, but don’t you ever wish someone would sit with you?
So next time you’re in the C4C and you’re eating alone, don’t be afraid. Be friendly, be outgoing, and most importantly, surprise yourself.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Hannah Morrison at Hamo7004@colorado.edu.
