Using parental funds to look like everyone else
We have an epidemic at CU. This disease is infecting the brains of countless women, costing their families thousands of dollars, and turning them into an army of mindless drones. Scared yet? You should be.
Ugg boots, gigantic sunglasses, black spandex. Fashion trend, or man-made disaster?
Now don’t call me sexist, because the male population is guilty of this as well. I don’t go through a single day without having to stifle a laugh because of some idiot in girl’s pants and teased hair or an 18-year-old kid fresh out of high school calling himself a “hippie.”
The fact remains, however, that while there are many different shades of stupid among males, a disgusting amount of women at CU wear the exact same thing day after day. Do these people really think that they look sexy or stylish in their cookie cutter uniforms? The sad fact is that they do.
Consider this: fashion blog a href=”http://www.fashioniq.com/wordpress/2007/09/14/ugg-boots-even-ugg-lovers-have-mixed-feelings/ ” target=blank> FashionIQ.com states that around 10 percent of people searching for Ugg boots don’t even know how to spell the name. That means that one in 10 people that you see wearing Ugg boots most likely don’t even know how to spell the word.
In the last three years of my college career I have not gone a day without seeing at least 50 of these women around campus, lugging around their Gucci handbags and yapping on their iPhones with a sense of entitlement.
Now I’m not going to pretend to know the slightest bit about fashion, but I know that a rational individual chooses what they wear based on two things.
First, does it make sense? If it there are four feet of snow outside and ice covering everything, do you wear that thin pair of spandex pants and little else?
Second, do you look good in it? There’s nothing attractive about walking around in moon boots with your pants tucked in.
The pick-up lines and compliments that these women hear can’t be too varied.
“Hey, you look just like everybody else!”
Is there a solution to this dilemma? We first must appeal to the president of the Ugg Company, Connie Rishwain, and beg her to end this cruel joke for the benefit of society. She’s probably sitting on the beaches of Australia, counting her stacks of cash and laughing hysterically as the new sales figures come in.
Then we must hold interventions for those infected by this disease. Turn to these people whenever you see them, and politely tell them that they just don’t look good.
We must also pass legislation restricting the sale of Ugg boots to those that can fully support themselves financially. That would lead to a significant decline in their use.
The university could help by setting up a class to teach common sense to these people. They would start easily at first, with participants identifying colors, shapes and smells. Slowly, the classes would become more difficult and put participants into real world situations where they would have to avoid the urge to immediately spend $800 of their parent’s money.
In time, this population of women could all be rehabilitated into unique, interesting members of society instead of what they are today – more faces in a crowd of stupidity.
Now, before I alienate my readers completely, I do not consider every woman on campus to belong to this group of people, just a startling percentage of them. If this article has offended you, I can assure you of one thing.
I know what you’re wearing.
Contact Campus Press Staff Writer Stephen Oskay at Stephen.Oskay@colorado.edu .
