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(courtesy of the Eagle)
Recently Alex Knepper, a student at American University, wrote an opinion piece for his school paper, The Eagle, which has stirred up a lot of controversy. In this particular piece, Knepper makes some pretty bold statements, such as, “Any woman who heads to an EI party as an anonymous onlooker, drinks five cups of the jungle juice, and walks back to a boy’s room with him is indicating that she wants sex, OK?”
Knepper goes on to state that to “cry date rape” is just what women who regret the incident the next morning do. He also said there is rape and there is “not-rape” and that you shouldn’t “jump into the sexual arena if you can’t handle the volatility of its practice!”
Now, as a self-proclaimed feminist and a generally decent human being, I have some real issues with Knepper’s idea about rape and “not-rape.” As much as I don’t want to garner more views for his piece I do feel the topic he introduces is one that we as college students need to be actively engaging with.
Knepper wants a clear-cut world where rapists are the strangers who leap out of bushes at young women and men to commit their vile deeds. Knepper’s world is not reality, however. It is a fantasy world. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, approximately 73 percent of rape victims know their assailant.
I also think that Knepper’s assertion that women “crying date rape” are merely women who have sobered up the morning after a party and regret their decision is flat-out wrong. There are certainly instances where a woman or a man may say a situation was rape when on some level they know it wasn’t. More often than not in said situation these are people who are confused, hurt and upset.
Knepper lives in a fantasy world if he believes that we can find such clear-cut solutions for what are highly volatile emotional situations. His call for people who “can’t handle the volatility” of the practice of sex to not engage in it is not only taking focus away from the real issue but is also absolutely ludicrous. I’ll go ahead and say that’s as stupid as teaching kids abstinence-only and thinking the kids will then not have sex.
Teens and college students want and are actively going to seek sex; this is a basic fact of life that I don’t really feel I should have to spell out for anyone. To provide “solutions” to the problems that arise when teens and college students do engage in sex tantamount to “well don’t do it in the first place,” is not only insulting, it’s also just plain stupid.
Knepper needs to get out of his blame-happy fantasy world where the complications of sex and alcohol can all be reduced to people needing to not have sex. Instead a genuine, honest discussion of peoples’ expectations regarding sex and more education for both sexes on how to state what they want, clearly, is what’s needed.
This issue is always going to be a tricky, sensitive one and one that’s unlikely to offer good solutions for either party in these situations until our society can evolve to be more egalitarian. In the meantime we need honest solutions that own up to the fact that college students are both going to continue drinking alcohol and having sex and doing both acts at the same time and that that is okay, but only when both persons truly want to engage. There aren’t easy or simple solutions to the problems that arise, but pretending that rape can’t or doesn’t occur when one or more of the parties involved were drinking is victim-blaming and completely the wrong discussion to be having.
If I’m at a party and drinking and I choose to go to a private room with someone perhaps I just want a hardcore make-out session and don’t feel comfortable doing so in front of lots of people–that’s fine and it’s on both myself and the person I’m with to make sure that once we get to that room we know what our expectations are and where our lines of consent are. I enjoy drinking, I enjoy sex and from time to time, I’ve enjoyed the two simultaneously and shall continue to do so, but my going to a frat party, choosing to drink and going to someone’s room is not the same as my saying “I want to have sex with you,” and it shouldn’t be.
Contact CU Independent Opinion Editor Ellie Bean at Beanee@colorado.edu.
1 comment
I think it’s still worth pointing out the danger of the situation that many females put themselves in, ESPECIALLY considering the push-pull play that sometimes go with sex. When “No” and “Maybe” are so interchangeable in the flirt game at a party, girls need to be responsible enough to NOT play with blurred lines and just “enjoy a hardcore make out session” in a guys room while drunk. Lets be real here: guys are bigger and stronger than girls, and if a girl DOES change her mind, and she gets raped, the validity of her claim will ALWAYS be questioned.
Yes, its still rape. But girls need to be aware of how crazy/lonely/angry some guys can be. If you choose to “go to a frat party, get drunk, and go into someone’s room,” you are playing with fire. I would have a similar level of sympathy as I would for someone who walks through downtown Detroit with wads of hundreds hanging out from his/her back pocket.