Let’s talk some smack about Mac
Were you duped into buying the new MacBook Air?
Did you shell out $3000 so that your new computer could fit in a manila envelope?
Did you realize that for that much money you could buy a hot tub? Or a computer that actually plays DVDs?
This is the stuff Apple doesn’t want you to hear, but you should know it before you spend your life savings on the worst computer ever built by Apple.
First of all, you have to buy the computer. After hawking your kidney on eBay, head over to your favorite Apple store and throw down $1800 for the poor man’s version, or $3100 for the ‘impress your friends with your stupidity’ version. Congratulations! Women will now flock to you in herds.
Woo! You get it home, open the box and pull out your poor excuse for a new computer. It’s flashy, it’s smooth, it’s anorexic–it’s the Mary-Kate Olsen of computers.
Go ahead, turn it on. It will start by asking if you want to transfer data from an older computer. This works great if you have a wireless network in your home with both computers networked and willing to share. Otherwise, you’re in trouble, because the Air doesn’t even have an Ethernet port. That’s the one you plug network cables into. So if you don’t have a wireless network, um, get one. Otherwise your new MacBook is a $3000 coaster.
Now that your new computer is ready to rock, throw in a CD to rip some music for your iPod. Oh wait, it doesn’t have a CD drive. You can buy one though, just make sure it’s the Apple version or it won’t work. And at least it has one USB port. Not two, not three. One.
But it fits in a manila envelope.
And don’t worry, the MacBook Air is one of the slowest computers Apple makes, so you’ll have plenty of time to think about your mindless purchase.
Plus it has a tiny hard drive.
So tiny that your iPod probably has more memory.
So tiny that you won’t ever feel like overcompensating for your small penis again.
The next time you think “thinovation,” just stop. Remind yourself that you are a smart person who doesn’t spend money on stupid crap. For $3000, you could even buy yourself a car.
At least cars have built-in CD players.
Contact Campus Press staff writer Kyle L. Haas at kyle.l.haas@colorado.edu.
