How to avoid an assault charge
So, it’s been a semester since you got here, your classes have been going well, you’ve got your first college girlfriend or boyfriend, and you haven’t gotten an MIP quite yet. Life is good, but there are still those little things your roommate does that drive you insane.
These things range from leaving the TV on until untold hours of the night, to leaving stinky, starchy socks on the floor. Maybe they’re monopolizing the mini-fridge so there’s absolutely no room for your stuff. Or worse, your roommate’s “significant other” makes frequent visits to your room, and you can hear moaning noises while you’re trying to sleep.
Although all of this makes you want to stab your roommate, there are other ways around risking blood stains on your possessions.
First things first, remind him or her of your roommate agreement. If you don’t already have one, you should definitely make one. Basically, it’s just a list of dont’s, and definitely dont’s. Things like quiet hours, visitation hours and fridge allocation are all important.
But if you have a roommate agreement, and things still aren’t working out, there are a few more options to consider before you stab them. The next thing to do is to tell him or her that they are really bothering you–most times your roommate will just do what you say in order to avoid conflict.
I know what you’re thinking: “If that doesn’t work, THEN I kill him, right?” Wrong. Next, you talk to an authority that is higher up than either of you. If you’re living in a dorm, it’s an RA. Tell them about your situation, and tell him that you want it to stop. He may ask if you want to change rooms, but if your bed is screwed to the wall, that may be a problem. Explain to him that you haven’t done anything wrong and that if anyone should move it’s your roommate. The RA will most likely contact your roommate, and hopefully they’ll get kicked out instead of you.
Either way, once you’ve gone and complained to your RA, your roommate will probably give you the cold shoulder the rest of the year. But that could be a good thing.
Anyways, if all that doesn’t work, feel free to punch your roomie in the face. But please, wait till you have tried these other steps. The Boulder Police will thank you for the extra time they have to catch all the other criminals, like all those damn hippies on Pearl Street. Plus, cell cots are pretty uncomfortable, even compared to dorm beds.
Contact Campus Press staff writer Daniel Clements at daniel.clements@colorado.edu
