Even without a referee, pick-up basketball still has rules.
Player A: Hey, that’s a (expletive deleted) foul! Take it up top.
Player B: C’mon, are you (expletive deleted) kidding?!
Player A: You got my hand, my arm and my shoulder, I’m pretty sure that’s a (expletive deleted) foul, you (expletive deleted).
Player B: (expletive deleted) that, go (expletive deleted) yourself.
This, to a varying degree, is what can be seen pretty much daily during pick-up basketball games at the Rec Center at CU. Many of the students know the actual game of basketball rather well, but when it comes to pick-up basketball, well, that’s a different story.
But fear not, as a regular on the courts at the Rec Center, I am going to put in writing what I foolishly thought was common knowledge about the general rules and etiquette for pick-up basketball. Enough is enough. With these three golden rules, the majority of conflict found on the hardwood at the Rec Center should be eliminated.
Rule I: No whining
Player A: Hey! You’re going over my back for the ball!
Player B: I didn’t even touch you. I’m a foot taller than you, and are you seriously going to call an over-the-back call?
Player A: No, but it’s just not fair!
Player B: Cry me a (expletive deleted) river.
You’d think after about seventh grade that this would be rather obvious to people, but whining runs so rampant on the courts here at CU that I decided to put it as the very first golden rule. Now, obviously for the above scenario, it is somewhat difficult to convey “whiny-ness,” so try and imagine Player A as former NBA perpetual complainer Reggie Miller. If you can do that, you should be fine.
Jon Clark, a junior business major, plays basketball at the Rec Center twice a week.
“There’s a lot of bickering. Games will stop for like five minutes at a time just (because of people) complaining about fouls and stuff,” he said. “I’ve even seen people leave the court because they didn’t like the other team.”
If you want to argue, argue. But don’t raise your voice one or two octaves and sound like you’re about to cry. You probably aren’t going to win your argument, and now even your own teammates are embarrassed to be associated with you. Either speak with authority and a monotone voice, or let your actions speak for you.
Rule II: Respect the call
Player A: Ow! Take it up top.
Player B: Please! I barely touched you!
Player A: Um, see this? That’s called blood.
Player B: Whatever! This is a contact sport, stop being a (expletive deleted).
Almost similar to Rule I, Rule II makes it clear that if a player calls a foul, you had best respect his call. Even if his call was downright blasphemous, it will make you look like the better man. (You can always cheap-shot him the next time down when no one is looking, if you must.)
Tucker Helmus, a freshman business major, once got into a shoving match with a player who undercut him on a layup. An obvious cheap shot, yet a dispute followed.
“There’s a lot of competition and people want to win,” he said. “Sometimes they kind of lose their heads and say some things that probably don’t need to be said.”
Probably the most arguing in a pick-up game is about a disputed call. But really, it’s all just water under the bridge, especially after he’s fallen to the floor after that elbow to the ribs you gave him on that next possession.
Rule III: Never take a charge
Player A: Hold on, I’m calling charging on you!
Everybody else: (uncontrollable laughter)
This doesn’t happens as often as Rules I and II but nevertheless has happened on numerous occasions.
I don’t care how out of control you believe the opposing player is being with the ball, you do not plant your feet and brace for the worst. Not only will you be in a lot of pain physically, but the mental anguish you will soon feel as everyone from all three courts looks over and laughs at you might just be the lowlight of your college career, to hell with that time you peed your pants in front of that girl you liked during a heavy night of drinking.
So what do you do instead? Stand him up, go for an overly aggressive block, or simply give the man his craziness props and allow him to score uncontested. Any of these are much more dignified than the ‘taking the charge’ approach.
Follow these rules, and you can hold your head up high after a tough pick-up game, even if you lost. Losing isn’t everything. You can always blame the loss on your crappy teammates or a hangover.
But, unless there are referees and a scorekeeper, there’s no excuse for whining, bickering or offensive fouls on the basketball court. None.
Contact Campus Press Staff writer Evan Acker at evan.acker@thecampuspress.com.
