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OPINION- I’m going to pretend I have a penis for a full 24 hours, making every second that I have it count.
I expect to start my day off promptly with a morning boner and see what it’s like to deal with that. As opportunity has quite handsomely presented itself, I’d definitely jerk off for a few hours. The minute I get tired of touching myself, and who knows when that would be, I’d want to get head. I would want a huge floppy penis so I could swing it around majestically everywhere I went on my mystic journey for spectacular head. Eventually, I’d want to make it to a strip club, as I’m sure they’d be far more entertaining with an actual cock to tease. Then I’d go out with a bang and have an orgy with all the gorgeous gay men who wouldn’t touch me otherwise.
Oh, what a fantastic day it would be.
I asked a guy friend what he’d do if he had a vagina for a whole day. He said that if he woke up as a chick, the first thing he’d want to know is if a girl’s orgasm feels better than a guy’s orgasm. Secondly, he said he’d want to do all the things he couldn’t easily do as a guy, like screw other guys over for the most expensive tequila at the bars.
“If you had 24 hours to exploit that, you’d do everything you could,” he said.
Why would a nice little lady talk about or ponder such things? I feel that contemplation under a different perspective is a healthy way to better get to know your peers.
I interviewed a handful of CU students to see what would ensue with a simple switch of the genitals. I asked, “If you had a penis/vagina for a whole day, what would you do?”
What I got in return was intriguing conversation and insight that was much more profound than what such a silly query should have elicited.
Pretty much the first response I got from every person, regardless of their gender, was that they’d go masturbate or have sex. This affirmed what my friend had said earlier about wanting to experience sex and orgasms as the other gender.
As I progressed through the interviews, I was surprised by one particular finding: The way girls and guys reacted to the question were very different.
When I talked to the girls, they were all comfortable entertaining the idea of having a penis with their original bodies and responded as such. However, when I talked to guys, they responded as if I asked them what they’d do if they were a girl for a whole day. I thought it was interesting that many guys felt that possessing a vagina entailed a complete gender switch.
“Would I be a girl for an entire day? Would I still have a guy’s mindset?” they would ask. Apparently, it would be uncomfortable for lots of the guys to do what they wanted with a vagina while they could still think like men and so they preferred to contemplate an overall change.
Aside from that, I just think the responses I got were well-worth the humiliation of asking strangers such silly and perverse questions.
What would YOU do if you had a penis/vagina for a whole day?
Chicks with dicks
“Try boxers and briefs. I honestly want to know which feels better. I’d pee standing. Touch it. I wouldn’t be able to hit on guys, so I’d try his vagina out (points to guy friend sitting next to her). I feel it could change your personality for the worst. Things like mini-skirts and tights would be problematic,” said Nikki Smith, a 21-year-old junior journalism major.
“I’d want to get a boner and walk around to see how people would react to it. It’d be so funny,” said Amanda Cartwright, a 20-year-old sophomore math major.
“I’d stick it places,” said Anna Huey, a 19-year-old sophomore architecture major.
“I’d just be happy to stand up and pee,” said Taraneh Hockley, a 21-year-old senior architecture major.
“I’d want to have sex and write my name in the snow,” said Francesca Loomis, a 19-year-old freshman environmental studies and Italian major.
“Only one thing: I’d want to penis-whip somebody,” said Maura Williams, a 19-year-old junior English major.
“I’d be pretty pissed off. Then I’d probably whack off and convince myself that it’s not as cool as guys make it out to be. Then I’d pee all over the place,” said Magda Garbowski, a 21-year-old senior environmental studies and biology major.
“I’d slap my boyfriend in the face with it. I think it’s cool that guys can do that,” said Tonna Gilbert, a 21-year-old senior chemistry major.
“I’d try to find Angelina Jolie,” said Blaire Jennings, an 18-year-old freshman studio arts major.
“Totally masturbate. Also, I’d use that Penis Pokey book,” said Kristen Thawley, a 19-year-old sophomore art history major.
Man-ginas
“I’d sit down and pee and be in a lesbian orgy,” said Min Park, a 20-year-old sophomore open-option major.
“I’d go to the bars and get free drinks,” said Ryan Le, a 22-year-old senior engineering major.
“I would masturbate and try out a lot of stuff. Like, ‘Ooh, what does this do?’ You guys get all the good toys,” said Cesar Cantu, a 23-year-old senior psychology major.
“Masturbate, most likely,” said John Black, a 22-year-old senior art history major.
“I’ll go out and find someone to have sex with. You guys get multiple orgasms!” said Justin Kraegel, a 26-year-old senior architecture major.
“Scream,” said Blake Pfannenstiel, a 22-year-old senior architecture major.
“I would probably play with my vagina, and then I would have lesbian sex,” said one male 21-year-old junior communication and geology major who asked not to be identified.
“I would go to the clubs and bars just to see what interacting is like for males versus females. I’d also want to talk emotionally so I can come to understand where girls are coming from,” said Dustin Kloempken, a 22-year-old senior environmental studies major.
“I’d go down to Colfax and try to make as much money as I can,” said Marc Lebel, a 22-year-old senior chemical and biological engineering major.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Natalie Bui at Natalie.bui@colorado.edu.
