“Damelo, bebe…”

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I’d much rather hear these words whispered in my ear than “give it to me, baby.” If you want to talk dirty to me, do it in another language.

Five months in another country opened my eyes (and ears) to another sexual culture. Last spring I was immersed in the Spanish language of love and lust for a semester, and now I think I’m ready for bilingual sex.

Talking dirty in general can be super awkward. How do you look at your partner and, with a straight face, say, “I can’t wait to do you?” Talk about a mood killer.

The key to perfecting a new sexy dialogue is mastering the naughty dialect. If someone told me in English that they wanted to make

(CU Independent illustration/Josh Shettler)

me squeal like a piggy, I’d put my clothes back on and leave them in a bed filled with embarrassment. However, if that same sentence was uttered in Finnish, chances are I’d be more excited by it.

Dirty talk coming from someone who doesn’t speak the same language adds an element of mystery. It also fulfills a fantasy.

My sexual partner may never sweep me off my feet like Antonio Banderas might — while calling me guapa — but that doesn’t mean they can’t at least try. The accent may be completely wrong, but I would appreciate the effort.

Speaking another language in bed takes the awkwardness out of the situation. You don’t need to be fluent in French or even a maestro at stringing sentences together. Just keep in mind that silent sex is always worse than weird dirty-talking sex.

This new bilingual sexcapade can be as easy as a quick visit to Google translate. All you need to do is learn a few basics. Translate things like “I like that,” or “More, more,” as well as any other dirty phrases you’ve been dying to try but have been too afraid of doing so in the English language.

Or perhaps you’d prefer the visual aspect of learning. Remember the days of sitting in your elementary school classroom and watching Muzzy? That friendly monster can still help teach you the basics of a different language. In fact, Muzzy can teach you seven different foreign languages, just in case you feel like being super bilingually adventurous in the bedroom.

If watching a fuzzy green monster isn’t getting your sex drive going, you can always rely on foreign soap operas. Telenovelas are mainly sex and arguing, which means you can definitely pick up some pointers there.

While this may be a lot of information to soak up, there’s no reason to be afraid. Think of your next sexual encounter as a study abroad trip — except it will be a 10-15 minute journey rather than a semester.

It isn’t necessary that your sex dialogue sound like a script from a German porno flick or a Daddy Yankee song, but a few new phrases will help spice things up and keep both you and your sexual partner on your toes.

I mean, wouldn’t “sprechen schmutzig für mich” turn you on (or at least put a smile on your face) more than “talk dirty to me?”

Contact CU Independent News Budget Editor Lauren Archuletta at [email protected].