I hate everything: It’s not me, it’s you

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Kaitlyn lives in your residence hall, has the same 11:00 A.M. class as you, and happens to be sitting alone in the C4C at the exact moment you are internally crying over the idea of eating lunch by yourself. Clearly you two are destined to be best friends.

You ask if you can join her, she kindly approves. You chat a bit, chew a bit, exchange numbers, and promise to catch lunch again soon. You head back to your hall feeling accomplished about the potential friendship that you made happen. You are a social butterfly that has finally emerged from its cocoon.

You and Kaitlyn pal around a few times before you conclude that there is one slight problem with this friendship: you can’t find any redeeming qualities in her and never want to be around her again.

Transition friends fill the awkward phase of freshman year before you have secured your solid group of friends. In your desperate hunger for company, transition friends tend to appear way more interesting than they actually are, resulting in their idiosyncrasies going into temporary hiding.

For example, maybe you didn’t notice that Kaitlyn talks approximately seven octaves too loud, still wears those shoes with the little retractable wheels on the bottom, and incessantly reminds you of how cool she was in high school. It seems tolerable until you make a hilarious Harry Potter reference, and then she tells you she doesn’t get it because she’s only seen one of the movies and found it dull.

That, right there, is a deal-breaker and the first indicator that you have to ditch your transition friend. Find someone who enjoys Harry Potter puns as much as you do. Or, you know, whatever you find to be a necessary quality in a friend.

Ditching a transition friend can be tricky business. Hopefully, you freak them out just as much as they freak you out, and you guys can have a mutual, unspoken break up. However, if that’s not the case, you are going to have to do some big time fibbing.

The next time they text you for a lunch date, suddenly become busy with a project that you have to have done by nightfall. If they call you for a shopping excursion, come down with a case of sleepyhead and tell her you must nap right this second for an indefinite period of time.

Continue to pile on the excuses without burning a bridge, however, because you don’t want Kaitlyn as an enemy. You just don’t necessarily want her as a friend. She’ll get the hint eventually and will go on to make loud, non-humorous friends of her own. It’s a win for everybody.

Well, it’s a win until you’re home on a Saturday night with a longing for some company. Now that you’re free of unwanted obligations, it’s time to go places and meet people you actually enjoy. Hit up a cool bookstore and hang around your favorite author’s section so you can strike up a conversation with someone checking them out, too. Ask if you can join in on a Frisbee game on Farrand Field. Pick a club off a bulletin board flyer, and go to one of their meetings.

Basically, make yourself open to friendship in an environment where you feel comfortable, and soon you’ll have a crew of your own.

If you still don’t have any luck and enjoy a good Harry Potter pun, you are welcome to share some laughs, ear buds and a mutual disgust of society with me whenever you please.

Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Lizzy Hernandez at [email protected].