The Academy Awards. Just saying the name conjures up memories of drunken acceptance speeches, ludicrous fashion statements and countless other iconic moments of Hollywood’s sensational self-celebration.

In prepartion of the 84th Acadamy Awards showing this Sunday, CUI's Sam Goldner writes on the 2012 Oscar nominations for Best Picture, Actor and Actress in Leading Role. (CU Independent/Amy Leder)

The standards for the Oscars have lowered in previous years due to the penny-pinching Academy’s decision to nominate up to 10 films for Best Picture rather than the former five. Although this has led to some unacknowledged masterpieces getting recognition for once, it’s also the cause for the embarrassing list of nominees we have for 2012.

Last year was almost remarkable for how safe Hollywood decided to play it, but this bland selection of films has little staying power beyond being talked about for the next month before they get the “Academy Award Nominated” sticker slapped on the DVD and tossed in the vault. Besides Bret McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords getting a nod for his “Muppets” song, there’s little to cheer for on the red carpet.

Without further ado, let’s hash out the least-terrible nominees for the 2012 Academy Awards.

Best Picture:

“The Artist”

“The Descendants”

“Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”

“The Help”

“Hugo”

“Midnight in Paris”

“Moneyball”

“The Tree of Life”

“War Horse”

If the Academy has any sense of what’s good left in their blood, they’ll give this one to “The Artist.” Besides being heartwarming in almost every way, the film did an excellent job of adapting a genre mostly lost on viewers under the age of 60 in a way that made it captivating even by today’s film making standards. Surely that’s a more worthy artistic triumph than the pretentious mess of “The Tree of Life” or the 46 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes for “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”.

Actor In Leading Role:

Demián Bichir – “A Better Life”

George Clooney – “The Descendants”

Jean Dujardin – “The Artist”

Gary Oldman – “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”

Brad Pitt – “Moneyball”

Yawn. George Clooney having a mid-life crisis and Brad Pitt talking about sports were hardly captivating performances. Newcomer Jean Dujardin manages to pull off his performance in “The Artist” with a certain amount of finesse, but it’s not the kind of performance that deserves a large amount of celebration. Christopher Plummer’s Supporting Actor nomination in “Beginners” was more earned than any of the lead actor roles. But honestly, it’s Christopher Plummer – he’s physically incapable of not being awesome.

Actress In Leading Role:

Glenn Close – “Albert Nobbs”

Viola Davis – “The Help”

Rooney Mara – “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”

Meryl Streep – “The Iron Lady”

Michelle Williams – “My Week With Marilyn”

Sure, perhaps Glenn Close gave a moving performance in “Albert Nobbs” that defied the preconceptions of sexuality and gave legitimacy to her acting career, but in the end this whole movie just screams “Oscar bait.” On a positive note, Rooney Mara totally nailed the titular role of David Fincher’s latest and managed to pull it off in a way that stood apart from her 2009 predecessor. However, in the end none of these performances are of the calibre that merit multiple re-viewings and analyses. Like the rest of the Oscars this year, the selection feels like they were only selected for recognition to fill spots on a ballot sheet.

The Oscars are supposed to stand as some kind of monument to the power of film making, but this year the selection simply feels boring. Innovative films like “Drive” and “We Need To Talk About Kevin” went totally unacknowledged, while predictable and formulaic movies hailed supreme. Even though last year boasted a flawed selection of films for Best Picture, each movie still represented a distinct style and approach to film making that made it engaging to speculate on who would emerge victorious. The 2012 Oscars list ends up feeling like a pamphlet of standard-fare airplane movies.

Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Sam Goldner at Samuel.Goldner@colorado.edu.