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In their first gold record “One,” the band Three Dog Night famously sang that one is the loneliest number. As it has become accepted into popular culture, by virtue, two is much happier than one. Well, I never did like counting but what I do know is that double can be twice the trouble.
Sure, there has been a history of successful duos: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, peanut butter and jelly, Britney Spears and mood stabilizers. But there is one pairing that has come to my attention that would be better left flying solo.
Some may argue it’s practical, I find it excessive. I’m talking about the double bag phenomenon.
Not familiar? Ever see a girl carrying a backpack and a purse simultaneously? Then you’ve witnessed the double bag phenomenon.
As I attempt to rationalize the thought process behind such a sinful act, I only fall short of reason. It’s like watching a bad episode of “Hoarders” when the remote control is across the room.
Perhaps, in their defense, these offenders are anticipating a mid-day hike or a looming apocalypse. Why else would they act as a human pack mule? What other reason is there to carry one’s entire livelihood at any given moment?
To make matters worse, the double bag phenomenon seems to make girls walk like a drunken toddler. Every fashion enthusiast knows that it’s all about the walk. Every day is a fashion show, so it’s important to walk with a purpose wherever you go.
My initial instinct when I see a petit girl walking crooked with two bags, nearly toppling over, is to yank them down like a bad weave. I refrain, naturally, because I have class. Instead, I give her the stink eye behind her back.
Let it be stated that there is no place in a fashion lover’s wardrobe for a backpack. Anything that requires being slung across one’s back as a piece of cargo has no claim to fashion. As I’ve stated previously, every bit of an ensemble should contribute to the aesthetic whole. That being said, luggage of any kind should be front and center with the rest of the outfit.
Fortunately for those offenders, there are viable options. In direct action against backpacks, and the subsequent double bag phenomenon, the fashion industry introduced stylish alternatives: over-sized purses, totes, and messenger bags. Novel? No, but sadly underused by many.
There’s no practicality a backpack can give that a bag can’t, no addition to an outfit a bag can’t enhance.
The key in transitioning from two bags to one is prioritization and compartmentalization. Not only is it productive to maintain your life in a clean and orderly way, but aesthetically striking as well. These two practices will help not only in fashion but also in a multitude of personal and professional arenas.
Life lessons brought to you by yours truly.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Kyle Warner at Kyle.R.Warner@gmail.com.
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