CU student Max Karson shares his thoughts
Dear Ron Stump,
When I heard of your plan to resign as vice chancellor for student affairs, I was devastated. You have been a great leader, and I’m happy to see you be praised for your many achievements in office. But although the news coverage of your resignation has been positive-as it should be-it has also been detached. In order to give people a better idea of who the man underneath the cape and tights really is, I want to thank you on a more personal level for the wo nderful impact you’ve had on my life.
I hate to admit this, but I didn’t always think you were such a great person. In fact, I even thought you were out to “get” me. But now I realize that I completely misunderstood you.
You know how when your parents beat you, they’re really just saying, “I love you”? It took me while to figure it out, but when you said, “I’m summarily suspending you, you are now barred from CU campus,” what you really meant was, “I’m sorry that we have failed you as educators and made you miserable-why don’t you take a relaxing vacation?”
And then when I left your office and those cops sprang out of your waiting room and put handcuffs on me and threw me in jail overnight with a bunch of woman-batterers and kidnappers, I thought you were doing something bad to me. But now I understand that it was all for my own good-you were using exposure therapy to help me get over my claustrophobia and my fear of violent criminals coming into my jail cell to steal my mattress.
I’m a better person for it, too. Last spring, when my class discussed the Virginia Tech shooting, everyone was all freaked out by the angry things I said-but you cured me of that destructive anger, and now I don’t have a drop of rage left in me. Seriously, if there’s anyone else out there experiencing hostile feelings toward CU, I highly recommend Ron Stump’s “Arrest and Suspension Treatment” method.
Remember that moment when you pointed out that my suspension was going to cause me to miss my finals and fail all my classes? And then you smirked? That was so cleansing.
Oh, look at me rambling on like a blushing school girl. Well, thanks for everything, and congrats on the new job. I’m happy to hear you’re excited about working with the alumni.
Because I’m graduating in August, and I’m excited about working with you, too.
Contact Freelance Writer Max Karson at email@example.com