A closer look at what happens when lines of friendship are crossed
Let’s say you are sexually frustrated and you are tired of the random one-night stands with the people you meet at the bar. You want to be intimate with someone who really understands you, but you are not looking for a commitment — just fun, meaningless sex. Whatever shall you do?
You might look to your closest friend of the opposite sex and begin to play with the phrase, “friends with benefits.”
When times get rough and all you want is fun, carefree sex with someone you know and trust, your close friend might start to look real good.
According to Wikipedia, “friends with benefits” is a term used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship — foreplay, making out, etc. — without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship.
This may seem like the jackpot for many people because you are being satisfied sexually without having to put your heart on the line or deal with the jealousy and expectations of a real relationship.
But it is to be advised, in order to obtain a fully mutual friend with benefits basis, both parties need to know going into the situation that a relationship will not come out of this intimacy.
“I think feelings will get hurt (when a relationship doesn’t come about) and jealousy will inevitably start. One person might want more and this is where you would run into complications,” said Lauren Weaver, a senior sociology major.
This may be a hard fact for some to face because once you become close to a friend, especially in a sexual way, your feelings start to flourish and you cannot help but become jealous when you see them with another person.
This is where the line between friends and more than friends starts to get crossed.
Yes a sexual relationship is great with your close friend because you know and trust them, they know who you are and know your likes and dislikes. It is a very comforting feeling to be intimate with a person you trust, but not have to worry about the limitations and lines of a real relationship.
“I think it is a very good concept because you get all of the fun of a relationship without the hassle of one,” said Tommy Morris, a junior broadcast news major. “But I do not believe in it because sex is such an emotional thing no matter what, it is too emotional for people to do it constantly. Maybe for a one night stand (friends with benefits would work), but not long term.”
The fact of the matter is, you are both using each other for your own personal satisfaction, and as long as both parties understand this, there should be free sailing from here on out — each person can hope.
Friends with benefits are convenient. It is easier to realize that sex can be just a phone call away, instead of going through the entire night at the bar or wherever, trying to impress a man or woman and see if they are interested.
Also, friends with benefits can be comforting because if you are ashamed about some physical feature on your body, chances are that that person already knows and it does not bother them. This will allow you to be more open and feel more comfortable in your own skin while having sex, instead of worrying the entire time about your body.
Now although there are some positives to this great master-minded agreement, there are still downfalls.
“The thing about friends with benefits is that, often, only one person gets all the benefits . that’s why having friends with benefits can get confusing … It’s the nature of the deal-lack of equal emotional involvement of the partners,” wrote Hara Estroff Marano in Psychology Today.
Emotions run high while having sex, and that cannot be stopped or sidestepped. So what needs to be understood and communicated is that the emotions that are running while you and your friend are having sex are just that, emotions from having sex.
Both partners must also resist the temptations to become jealous and territorial because that is, after all, why you are having sex with one another, to avoid the common arguments and hardships that come with an actual relationship.
Also, friends with benefits could destroy the friendship the two of you share. After time has passed and the two of you no longer wish to be intimate, it may be hard for things to go back to normal. In this case, a good friendship may be lost just to satisfy your sexual urges. This is worth contemplating over with your friend before the sex ever occurs.
Morris said he believes it depends on the amount of time the friends are having sex whether or not it ruins their friendship. He said if it is a one-night stand, it might be easier to just go back to normal, but if it is a long-term occurrence, the friendship line may be hard to find.
In order to try and avoid this from happening, the two of you need to be open and honest from the get go because if not, feelings will get hurt and both of you could be left off worse than you were to start.
Not to mention, a friend with benefits who stays your friend even after the sex is over may cause problems in your next relationship because if your new boyfriend or girlfriend finds out, they may feel that if it happened once, it could happen again. Therefore, your casual friends with benefits past could cause unneeded pressure on your next relationship.
So think twice before you decide to jump into bed with your friend because what may seem like such a good thing could cause more harm than good in the long run.
Contact staff writer Elizabeth Stortroen at Elizabeth.Stortroen@thecampuspress.com
